I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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