his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
