I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
