Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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