We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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