Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
