rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
