Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
