my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
