I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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