she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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