I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
