How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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