woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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