Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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