I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
