thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
