Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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