im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
