Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
