Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
