There was a lot of him and a little penis
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
