I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
did i walk over a car last night?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
