My sheets look like a crime scene.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
