Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
