Got a toothbrush?
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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