So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize