Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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