Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
