There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
