I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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