Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
