lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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