I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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