Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize