he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
