I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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