I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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