so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
