Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
