I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
