He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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