Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
