Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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