and i looked up. we had an audience...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
