I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
