i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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