We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
