Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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