I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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