Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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