The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
