my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
