Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
