Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
