Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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