I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
