I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
