I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
