What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
