i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm experimenting with sincerity
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
