you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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