your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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