I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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