I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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