so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
