so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
