Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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