I bet he comes in French.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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